Adrenaline dose

Practically, I slept through my preparation days when I was supposed to prepared for final examination of urinary system.

I thought I was too tired, didn't realize it was almost the period of the month. Nevertheless, I still felt tired, exhausted and weird, fear.

Yes, I am scare. Actually, I wasn't supposed to be. Come on, this is not the toughest block of all time. I had gone through the killing musculoskeletal block, mesmerizing central nervous system and even GIT system when I fell sick.

All these blocks are much more complicated and hectic than urinary.

Toun, admit it. It is not that hard. You just need to gathered your strength and combined them into pieces. I know you can!

You just need a dose of adrenaline injection. Here it is, I put my faith on you!

Nothing's impossible! You can do it!=)

Being alone

Have you ever felt like being left behind? Not having same topics with the others for quite some time? Left out for numerous parties and celebrations? Not in the popular groups?

Well, You are just being diagnosed with the "All alone" syndrome and Welcome to the team, mate!

Alright, I admitted it is not too bad yet. But for a popular freak (Once upon a time) like me, I might just die off. But hell yeah, I just kept going! Good thing to be grateful of.

Is just that sometimes I felt really alone in the deserted shore of no where. I still feel the same way. Looking upon the same faces, I don't really fit in. I mean I do make new friends and make a good impression. But here? Nah, I'm anti-social. Or should I say pro-solitary?

In either way, you can picture my world. Practically, not all part of my world is so pathetic, I do have my great hang out times with my best friends and all. But, sometimes University life is so darn lonely. Not having someone you can talk with, someone that you can rely on, someone that you feel like they will support you despite any circumstances. Where's all these good people?

A little part of me die everyday there. And it is so ironic that I have to endure it as part of my passionate chasing dream journey. I love being a medical student=) Learning all these biology and human-logy stuff is just simply impressing! But the place where I am.I still don't feel like fitting in.

Sad, I know. But what else I can really do beside being alone? Well, better be alone than in bad company, I remember.

But sometimes, really sometimes. You just hope that someone will remember you, That's it. Having your back being supported. Knowing that if you drown, there will be a hand of helping.

Sadly, this is not Convent Bukit Nanas. There will be no one rushing through to help. There will be no one wasting their precious times go crazy with you.

I guess I just have to be alone. It's just a feeling anyhow, I will go through it.

Just God, bring me some really good new friends? Alright. I still need someone to talk to. You know?

Happy Chinese New Year, Peeps! Though I know there's no one reading.

Sin Toun

Attachment

I lost pretty much things in the year of 2011. I lost my beloved notebooks, my favorite novel of all time and lacking in my account management skills. It might be a very tiny thing to you but for me, it felt like I had been missing a part of me and some part just died off.

I am not making up big stories. Then I realize I have really strong attachment to things.

I can order the same menu over and over again without feeling bored.

I can cry over and over again on the same story.

I can hold on to things even when they left.

Then I remembered some friends I used to have. It's tough at the beginning to live on your own, especially I am such a chewing gum person. I feel like crying when I walk. But I did moved on. But it is never easy.

I took so long to adapt, convincing myself that those good times are just illusions, then make myself forget. Forget that I used to be friends, forget all those good memories that we used to share. Forget about everything that could made me sad.

I don't want to. But sometimes I just have to.

I don't know how to get rid of these attachment. Besides piling up my room, they also occupied most of my mind and time and heart to put in new things. I have friends that have no attachment at all.

But if it wasn't this attachment, can I still hold on to my dreams that long? I never knew.

All I prayed is a better year and no more missing stuff.

Thank God that what I missed was simply just things, not the one I loved. Please bless them with good health.

By then.

Atoun

The Fullest

Dear Toun:

Well, I would say you're really lucky for the mid-course assessment. Now, since we had already come to last week of the killing central nervous system block, you should continue to work harder.

2 weeks of not going home on weekend, I know you missed home, missed your best friends, missed your town. So let make all these longings a worthy one.

It's not going to be a piece of cake. But if you study real hard and give your very best, I'm sure you can. Just try harder and give your fullest. The rest leaves it to faith and God.

All you need to do is stop procrastinating, stop sleeping non-stop and

stop worrying. Have a little faith, be happier and contented. It's going to be alright.

Alright Toun, start roaring your engine and fly like a G6! Everything is possible if you believe in yourself.

And I do.

Toun

Striking for Greatness

It's a lot. More than a lot. But it's interesting.

Alright, just admit that you can't finish it even though you start from Day 1. And now you don't. So, stop worrying, and just study=)

You can do it! Toun, I know you always do! Have a little more faith!

Holidays!!

Just to let you know, I am emphasizing my title! And it's actually helping my dear husband, Mr Jay Chou in promoting his latest album! It reminds me of Professor Khin as well, hope she is enjoying her break back to Myanmar.

I am having my mid semester break! How nice! Yet, good new always come with bad one. I have my mid-course assessment of Central Nervous system next Friday and I have 17 slides to catch up. Great!! And It's already Wednesday and I have girls hang out and it's My dearest birthday tomorrow! I'm definitely running out of time.

So, Sin Toun! Please start your engine now and keep it running! It's a great opportunity to study and you definitely can score if you study! So why waste chances? Come on, Study alright!

God, Who study in holidays? T.T

Wish me luck in resisting holidays temptations! I definitely have many days of fun already! Now let's start studying.

Toun

As I walk through

As I go through the days, counting off one by one, I was scared. Terribly depressed as I knew I am not prepared at all for the mid-course assessment. I didn't know the reason why, but it just seems like 24 hours of mine squeeze through tiny slits and vanish into air despite how hard I tried to grab.

Is it because I have a person to talk with in the room? Does it really make a difference? I don't know. Trying to stay as optimistic as I can, but it just seems so hard.

Then it comes with the usual routine again, studying non-stop, skipping slides, targeting questions with my intuition. Then Friday came, with me sitting beside a person I used to knew so well. Distractions and distractions. Stress and stress in the house. I dislike people focusing on me. Probably because I really wanted to be invisible.

But deep down in the core, I knew I wasn't. I want to be the best, be the great! Be the one when people thought of my name, they will first associate it with my achievements. I want to be, then it comes the fear of failure, the fear of not being good enough. Then my brain stop accelerating, my heart complaining and I don't know how to restart it. I just don't know how. Then I screw up my test, felt so depressing, felt so tiny and inferior. All I wanted to do is just cry and hide myself down the blanket.

Well, every sad story has a turning point. Then it comes so perfectly well with real steel. Have not watched that show yet? You might want to considered booking it now and watch it real quick. It's seem like just another story, but the messages I received when I was sitting on the couch was incredibly inspiring. Yes, the thing that keep me going till now was none other but my determination, perseverance and courage. Sometimes, i thank God for my blur-ness because of that I am always quite slow in picking up things, I am always too slow to quit, then I just have to keep going. Maybe that's the only thing I am good with.

I soon realized that I am the great Sin Toun not because I am super smart or genius. It's just because I stick longer than others to problems, to questions, to what I wanted to be. It's just that I am so scared and so fear of failing off because I was on top of the hill for so long that I forgot that I need to keep myself down to earth. (There's the reason I changed my blog title too) I want to remind myself to be humble, to keep myself low profile, to be empty. I wasn't.

I thought I was so freaking smart. Not studying every single day, procrastinating, studying last minutes, hold on to my so-called intuition and more often, not finishing my slides? Like WTH! And I keep convincing myself that it is going to work somehow every time, because you see I am quite smart? WTH, Loh Sin Toun!

So, you still have like one week to make it happen! I want you to be the best of yourself, not others. You keep going, that's the point. You keep trying until the end of your life. Well, you might not be the ultimate winner at the end, but at least you have tried your best and there's no regrets. Go, Toun! I always believe you are great and you can do it!

Give yourself a big hug and thanks yourselves for working so hard for the past 2 years, now you are going to continue the hard works, grabbing those dean lists and make the best out of you.

Ignore the others. For what they're trying to do, trying to pull you down. You ain't going down, you're always down to earth. Stays foolish, stays hungry.

I know you can.

Sin Toun