"All these useless shxt! Couldn't get me into Yale! Now what am I supposed to do? Tell me, what am I supposed to do!" Flame shooting from his stares, but I knew it's not the anger that saddened him the most, but the overwhelming disappointment of not getting into his desired University.
"I'm not asking much, all I wanted is just to be on the same level as others. Why is it so tough? How am I going to be a good doctor when I am trained in this crappy place!"
"Am I not good enough? I'm not good enough." Mumbling to himself, Mark buried his face between his knee. Silence returned with a salty smell swirling in the air.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. Headache strike once again.
He is my son, Mark, 20 this year;hoping to be like his mother- a doctor. He inherited my dream, but also some bad features of me- tied by own expectation. His application to Yale was turned down. Though he was offered a full scholarship in another university near the border of States, he was disappointed.
Genetic is one strange thing. I was not a graduate from a five-star medical university either . Well, I could say not even a 3-star ones. When I was still a young fresh medical student, I had many sleepless nights, having endless questions in my mind.
Am I good enough to heal? Maybe I should revised my statement. Am I as good as the others?
I worked very hard; pushing myself up to the limit.
Yes, I was one of the best students but I was not happy at all. Not even near to happy. I was worried. Not being as good as the others because I didn't had the best training ground, the best medical team, the best medical exposure.
But, look at me now. I'm living my life just like what's i had dream of during the younger days. All's well that ends well.
"Doc Sarah, you are required in room 203." The mother's baby had just been diagnosed as Down Syndrome.
As I walked through the passageway, my mind was still occupied with Mark's disappointed face. I couldn't tell him to be satisfied when I took so long to be contented.
To forgive ourselves for not being as good as the others, To forget what Life should had been offered us; To forget how unlucky we are for not getting what we deserved. To forgive and forget, how many courage we required.
Reached. I hold the baby in my arm. Sleeping he is, small and tiny. Down Syndrome- Fallen angle without their wings.
While I am still thinking how pity he is, he held my thumb, slowly crawling his little finger over mine. He wasn't able to do that actually, but he did.
Then I remembered the story of a broken leg soldier who prayed in front of wishing well. People was asking is he praying for his leg to be normal again? But indeed he was praying to God to show him how is he going to live his life with a broken leg.
Acceptance.
He might not be the smartest boy with his limitation, but he will be the brightest of all.
"Dear Mark, we often said "That should be me!" "I'm supposed to be in his place!". We blamed life, saying how unlucky we are for not getting what we deserved. But dear, aren't God show us another window? Who say that you will not be as good as those 5-stars graduate?
First, we need to accept that sometimes things' weren't always the way we wanted them to be. We try to plan the route we thought will be the best for us, if we deviate from the path, we felt angry and dissatisfied. But aren't these routes lead us to the same destination? We still fulfill our dream, we still been granted a chance to pursue those ambitions. Just that the road we took to reach that point is different from what we planned. Sometimes, these changes are meant for you to grow stronger. Maybe God thinks you need a little more training than the others.
Dear Mark, I wished you best of luck in your future encountered. May God bless you.
Mum"
Definitely it will takes some time to forgive and forget. But tough times don't last, we tough people do.
Sarah
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